Hobbyist drawer, interests, gamming, table top RPG games (D&D, Mutants & Masterminds), anime, cartoons, graphic novels, sci-fi and horror movies.
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Joined on 11/12/22
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JAMRIOT
Nicely done, thank you so much for participating! I always love reading everyone's pieces.
I always appreciate seeing horror-adjacent pieces done tastefully. A critique I've given many pieces is that they tend to indulge a bit too much in the horror aspects of stories, almost fishing for a reaction out of the audience. I didn't get that from this piece, which is good! One thing I would like to see in future pieces though is you trying to introduce the world in a more interesting way. This is definitely a challenge when it comes to pieces that are light on dialogue, such as your own, but I absolutely have faith that you could do a story like this even more justice by finding a way to make it work! For example, you spent the first few paragraphs introducing the "ceremony" held around the Whispering Darkness on the winter solstice, when it would have been interesting to see the rituals of this region slowly revealed as you show what the story was about anyway. I wouldn't bring this up if I didn't have faith in you as a writer to be able to do this!
Overall, this was a fun read and I appreciate the way you handled explaining character's emotions and visceral reactions in a controlled way. Thanks again for participating! Winners will be announced soon on my Newgrounds and Discord. Stay tuned!
AmazingArsonist
Hi Jam.
Thank you for the kind words and feedback, I'm glad you liked it and the horror aspects came across okay. With the world stuff, as it was a short story I did try to keep it somewhat streamlined and only tell what was needed to explain what James was doing in the main story. I appreciate your faith in me and maybe I'll revisit this idea and flesh out the town and it's rituals.
Thanks for the feedback, and for hosting again, I had fun writing this and will keep an eye out for future events!